The College of Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy (CCBH) has carried out a number of surveys into self esteem over the past 12 months, and what is constantly interesting to see and understand is how people rate their own self esteem; what they believe self esteem to be and of course, the factors in our lives that we feel influence our self esteem. There is currently a Self Esteem questionnaire running on the CCBH website right now, so please take just a few moments to complete it, and then come back to this blog post.
If you are a keen reader of this blog then you will already have read a few posts on Self Esteem. You can have a look at some of the findings of a previous questionnaire and read the corresponding blog post here. That post focuses on the male or female differences and similarities in terms of self esteem, however this post is more about how we rate our own self esteem, and the factors we believe that influence it.
How do I measure my Self Esteem?
Many of us believe we know what self esteem is, but can we actually describe it? Do we actually know how to measure our self esteem?
Self esteem is influenced by our beliefs. It is based on beliefs that evaluate the self based on certain conditions like success, failure, negative judgement and so on. For example if someone judges themselves as worthless or a failure because they failed at something then they will have self esteem problems. This means that they only rate themselves as worthwhile if they succeed. This all or nothing measurement of the self is at the heart of self esteem problems. Can you legitimately measure the human self?
In the College of Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy’s latest questionnaire on Self Esteem a number of key questions were asked to find out what impacts on our self esteem.
Interestingly, there were 2 statements that had the biggest impact on self esteem, and these were the same for both males and females.
- If I was wrong or made mistakes at work
- When I am criticised or unappreciated
This means that many people put themselves down if they got things wrong or made mistakes at work and when they get criticised or were unappreciated. Understanding these factors allows us to deal with problems of self esteem.
Self Esteem Problems
Low self esteem can lead to a host of mental health issues. Often low self esteem is linked to depression, self imposed isolation, feelings of rejection, insignificance and detachment, even a dissatisfaction with current social relationships.
It’s important to recognise low self esteem in oneself, but also in our friends and family members. A person with low self esteem may show some of the following characteristics:
- Heavy self criticism and dissatisfaction
- Hypersensitivity to criticism with resentment against critics and feelings of being attacked
- Chronic indecision and an exaggerated fear of mistakes
- Excessive will to please and unwillingness to displease others
- Perfectionism, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved
- Neurotic guilt, dwelling on and exaggerating the magnitude of past mistakes
- Floating hostility and general defensiveness
- Pessimism and a general negative outlook
Solving Self Esteem: It’s about Self Acceptance
The concept of self esteem is psychologically harmful and wrong, striving for enhanced self esteem is quite unsound, and instead, we should strive for self acceptance. With this in mind, treating and solving self esteem problems is very possible by changing our responses to the factors that may influence our self esteem. This is a concept that the College of Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy has been instructing on in Master Classes over the past 18 months. These Master Classes are open to anyone with an interest in solving self esteem problems, and they help provide the tools that allow us as individuals to move to self acceptance.