Confidence gives you the power to be able to fully focus on your goals without being anxious. This means you do not dwell on potential negative consequences but remain focused on the task in hand. You are not anxious about failure, the disapproval of others nor are you disturbed when you fail.
The mindset that creates confidence increases the probability of enjoyment and success. Belief in your own abilities to perform a task is influenced by successful experiences which then reinforces a more general sense of self confidence. You hold beliefs about yourself that are supportive and helpful to living your life with the hope and desire that whatever you think, believe, or do will more than likely produce the results that you want.
When we feel confident our thoughts are more preoccupied with the “How to” achieve what we are doing, focused on the present moment, fully occupied in the activity, in a constructive way. If we are feeling a lack of self- confidence we might hear ourselves say , “If only I could feel more confident” “I have no self-esteem” or “I feel worthless”, “I am so unhappy with my life, I am such a failure”, “ I have never succeeded at anything”, “I don’t think I can do it”.
We become confident because we hold healthy beliefs and have repeated experiences we learn from. A good example of this is when we learn to drive a car. Initially, we have little confidence in our ability, and rightly so, but as we learn and practise the new skills we become more confident in our ability to perform them. Initially, we feel uncomfortable when we start learning how to drive but with determination, a focus on the goal and repeated practise we develop a growing sense of confidence in our ability to drive.
The important point is for you to identify what you want then set your goal and begin to take action. It is the conscious awareness that you are doing what you want to do with your life in a self-determined way that denotes success. It is about creating your own goal and working towards achieving them.
What stops us having confidence?
Confidence is based in our beliefs, which can be healthy or unhealthy. It is our unhealthy beliefs and attitudes that inform how we feel, tend to behave and behave. It is these unhealthy beliefs that create the perceived obstacles or hurdles between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. They determine whether you move in a constructive way towards your goal or whether they sabotage you in its pursuit.
If you feel unconfident at the moment, realise this is a function of your unhealthy beliefs. This is good to know because your unhealthy beliefs can be changed. One way of changing them is through cognitive behaviour therapy and in particular Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). REBT strives for long term change and not just surface change. You learn how you can change underlying beliefs that have sabotaged your goals and happiness. Our training not only helps you become confident as you apply REBT to yourself but also teaches you how to use it to help others; whether as a therapist, counsellor, psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, coach, parent or manager. REBT is an elegant universal model for resolving confidence issues and achieving goals. For information on our fully accredited courses visit www.cbttherapies.org