Christmas can be a magical time, but it can also be a major source of stress. Between family gatherings, holiday shopping, and the pressure to create the perfect holiday experience, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But don’t worry, you don’t have to let stress ruin your holiday cheer. By applying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques, specifically Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), you can manage stress and enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling Christmas.
Tip 1: Identify and challenge those irrational thoughts
One of the core principles of REBT is identifying and challenging irrational thoughts and demands. These thoughts often take the form of ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’, and ‘have-tos’. For example, you might think, “I must have a perfect Christmas dinner”, or “I must find everyone the perfect present”. This kind of thinking, with a rigid demand at its heart, can lead to anxiety and disappointment when those impossible demands are invariably not met. Instead, try to replace these irrational thoughts with more realistic and helpful ones. For instance, you could think, “I would like to have a nice Christmas dinner, there’s no rule to say it has to be perfect. If it’s not, that doesn’t mean everything is awful and I’ve failed.” By accepting not everything will be perfect, we won’t mind so much when the roast potatoes take a bit longer than planned!
Tip 2: Set realistic expectations
It’s important to set realistic expectations (or goals, as we therapists might call them) for yourself and others during the holiday season. Don’t try to do everything perfectly. Instead, focus on what’s truly important to you. For example, if you love spending time with family, prioritise quality time over extravagant gifts or elaborate decorations. Focus on the expectations and goals that matter to you, rather than the ones you think you ‘should’ be doing.
Tip 3: Understand what you can control, and accept what you can’t
If your brother is always late for dinner, and your aunty always complains about the turkey, they will probably do these things this year too. Accepting we cannot control other people’s behaviours allows to accept the reality of what is about to happen, even if it still annoys us a bit. Isn’t it better to simply roll your eyes at the inevitable and pour another (small) glass of something than to become irrationally angry over something we cannot change?
Tip 4: Take a moment
In the whirl and chaos of Christmas, it’s important to remember to take a moment and focus on what is actually happening, rather than worrying (often needlessly) about what might happen. Practice some simple mindfulness techniques to bring you back to the here and now to help you enjoy Christmas as it is happening. Perhaps you could ask yourself ‘Where are my feet? And where is my mind?’ If your mind is racing off away from where you actually are, try and bring it back so you can experience things as they are, rather than some imaginary catastrophe in your head. You might miss a good bit otherwise!
Tip 5: Be kind to yourself (in the right way)
Remembering to look after yourself can be difficult when we are surrounded by to do lists or crowds. If you feel everything is getting a bit much, there’s no rule that says you can’t take a step back to catch your breath. Finding time to recharge your own batteries means you’ll be fully charged for everything that is to come. Just make sure how you choose to relax is actually helpful. The temptation to overindulge is a common one at this time of year, but too much chocolate and wine might actually make you feel worse! Ask yourself, ‘how helpful is this’ when assessing your ‘recharge time’. A nap, yes; a bottle of Bailey’s, maybe not.
By incorporating some simple techniques into your holiday routine, you can reduce stress and enjoy a more peaceful and fulfilling Christmas. Remember, it’s okay to not be perfect, and it’s important to prioritise your own mental health and wellbeing. You can’t pour gravy from an empty jug!
Happy holidays!
Nick Jones
CBT / REBT therapist
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