Resolve to make fewer resolutions this New Year

5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year! Oh, look, everything’s just the same, except you’re up after midnight and might have the beginnings of a hangover.

New Year’s Eve is often seen as a watershed moment, one where things will be different on the other side. But anyone who’s ever experienced a New Year’s Day can tell you that most of the time, things are exactly the same. The date may have changed, but our lives, more often than not, haven’t.

This idea that it is something outside of ourselves that will motivate change is a common one. Whether it’s a date, the weather or another person, we have all experienced it, or something like it. When X happens, I’ll do Y, we say. And then when the time comes, we don’t. Or struggle to.

REBT, Stoicism and the power of choice

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), the type of CBT we teach and practice here at the College, takes a philosophical approach to life, its problems and their solutions. This philosophy, based on existential, humanist ideas draws a lot of inspiration from Stoicism, which has its roots in ancient Greece and Rome, and emphasises a rational acceptance of life and our ability to tolerate its vicissitudes.

A famous Stoic (and Roman Emperor) Marcus Aurelius once said: “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

In this quote, Aurelius is emphasising the fact that it is we who have control over our thoughts, actions and (ultimately) our emotions. To give that power over to external events or people is to invite disappointment.

Here at CCBT, when we work with clients, identifying not only what people want (their goals), but just as importantly why the want to achieve them is an early and vital step in the therapeutic process. It’s fine to want to make changes in your life, but if it’s just because you feel you ‘should’, either from social or family pressure, or the desire to please or impress people you don’t even know, you won’t really be motivated enough to stay the course, either in the short or long term.

You are allowed to say no to New Year’s resolutions

We‘ve written a lot about identifying your real and powerful goals, and also the pressure of New Year and other events that push us into commitments we are not ready for. As the calendar flips over, there is of course nothing wrong with taking stock and seeing what changes we might want to make, personally or professionally.

But there’s also nothing wrong with taking some extra time to think why you want to make these changes, and what your goal is. Is it something you really want? And are those wants rational and healthy, moving you towards goals that will truly improve your life? If so, go for it, and a philosophical change could be just what you need to keep on track. However, if it’s something you feel pressured into, or realistically know it would be better tackled at a different time, it’s fine to just say no thanks, or not yet. Being honest with ourselves and why or when we may want things is a life skill truly worth cultivating.

Remember our friend Marcus Aurelius. We get to decide when we do something, not external events. Even if they are accompanied by fireworks and champagne.

Nick Jones
REBT / CBT Therapist