As the weather warms up and the summer holidays get under way, it’s time to look forward to getting away, enjoying new things and spending more time with our loved ones.
But whilst we may like to imagine our holidays as being idyllic, relaxing breaks, the reality can sometimes be very different. Flights can be delayed, hotels might not match the brochure, we’re away from our familiar lives, and there are normally lots of other people on their holidays too.
So how can we maximise our well-earned break? Don’t worry, we’re here to help with some tips from Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT, the type of CBT we practice at the college).
Simply remember the acronym BEACH and you’ll be CBT summer ready before you know it.
Hit the BEACH
Behaviour
REBT teaches us that we have emotional responsibility. That means we can manage how we feel about a situation by changing our thinking (more on that later), and our behaviour. In fact, how we think and how we behave are some of the few things we can actually control.
By behaving in ways we know to be healthy and rational, even if sometimes we don’t feel like it, we can help influence our emotional response to situations. If your flight is delayed, speaking to your airline rep in a calm and measured fashion will help keep your emotions manageable, where shouting and raging will only increase your frustration. Picking the unfamiliar dish on the menu might not be your first choice, but you never know, you might discover a new favourite!
Emotions
The main emotion most people want from a holiday is ‘relaxed’, but that’s not always the case. If we can learn to notice and name our emotions accurately, we can better manage them and our experiences. Are you really anxious about your flight (an unhealthy negative emotion that overestimates threat) or simply concerned (a healthy negative emotion that is realistic about what is happening). If you tell yourself you are anxious, you will start to feel that way. Notice and tell yourself you are simply concerned, your emotional response will reflect this too.
And if we understand that a range of emotions, positive, negative, healthy or otherwise, is a natural part of being human and being on holiday, we won’t feel annoyed when we are not relaxed all the time. You’ll get there!
Acceptance
REBT is very clear that it is only through accepting the world how it is, not how we demand it should be, that we are able to then have healthy and rational emotional responses.
Room not ready? That’s not great, but it’s a fact of life. Accepting it, and behaving rationally (see above), means we will get through this disruption more smoothly. By accepting things can sometimes be frustrating, but that we will always be able to tolerate the frustration (as we’ve tolerated every previous frustration in our lives), we take another step closer to our desired holiday mood.
Cognitive consequences
Cognitive consequences is a fancy word for thoughts. And it is how we think about something (alongside our behaviour) that determines how we feel about it. ‘People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them’ is the famous quote (from Epictetus the Stoic) that guides REBT.
Thinking rationally and compassionately about ourselves and others will really help keep our emotions on the right track. Sistine Chapel absolutely packed? Instead of thinking everyone else is getting in your way and ruining your holiday, perhaps think that you are part of the crowd too, and everyone just wants to see the amazing art. Maybe we can all accept each other’s presence and make the most of the experience?
Healthy beliefs
All of the above tips can come together to help create the healthy beliefs that help us achieve the goals we want for our holidays. If we accept things how they are, not how we say they should be, think more realistically about ourselves and others, behave in a way that moves you towards the outcome you want, and take a moment to objectively explore how we are feeling, you might achieve that holiday feeling sooner rather than later!
Don’t forget your sunscreen!
Nick Jones
REBT/CBT therapist
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