There was consternation in the family group chat not long ago when I announced that this year, there was to be no turkey on the festive table.
Cooking Christmas dinner often falls to me, and to be honest, I enjoy it. I get the leftovers, after all! But this year, I fancied a change. Something less demanding of attention and fridge space, and that left me more time for socialising (and snacking) on the big day. So this year we are having a pie. A fancy one, mind you, from a fancy shop (this is not just a pie, this is one from that place you all know…), but still, there were raised eyebrows and some explaining to do.
However, and here I blame Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) as the founder of the feast, one thing I have learned as a therapist is to ask myself, just exactly who says that anything should always be a certain way, and that we cannot challenge ours, or others’, long held and possibly rigid beliefs.
Christmas is the ideal time to take a look at what you really want and what is just expected of you. Many of us are inundated with images of perfectly curated holiday scenes – sparkling trees, beautifully wrapped gifts, and families gathered around tables groaning with all the traditional treats. While these scenes can evoke feelings of excitement, some people feel anxious because they set themselves unrealistic expectations and feel like they must do the same.
Unwrap your Christmas preferences
But if we remember the REBT-approved ways of challenging these ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ (how true is that thought, and how helpful is it?), we can begin to liberate ourselves from the Marley-like chains of tradition. Instead of rigid demands, we can move to flexible preferences. Try and notice the differences between irrational ‘must haves’, and think more about what you’d prefer and what is realistically possible.
By applying this rational, sensible way of thinking to Christmas, you might be able to, paradoxically, inject some more magic and wonder into your holiday season.
If you feel more stress than joy about certain traditions, you can say no. How true is it that you have to have a turkey dinner, when a pie will do? Who says you have to spend a fortune on presents when a homemade gift or an IOU for babysitting or a night out might be more appreciated? How helpful is it for you to believe you have to even celebrate at all if it’s not really your thing?
All traditions were new once
And where is the rule that says you can’t invent your own traditions, ones that you’d really enjoy? All traditions had to happen for a first time some time, so feel free to start your own. Lasagne for dinner on the 25th? Sure, who says you can’t? ‘Lord of the Rings’ every twixmas? Why not? Where’s the rule that forbids that?
Embrace the opportunity to create your own meaningful traditions. Focus on what truly bring you happiness and remember, Christmas is not about conforming to external standards but about enjoying the spirit of the season in a way that fits with your own values and preferences.
You do Yule
As you navigate the upcoming festivities, remember that you have the freedom to choose the traditions that bring you joy and meaning. Try and let go of any rigid expectations or obligations.
Embrace the Christmas traditions and give yourself permission to be more flexible; create a holiday experience that reflects who you are. In doing so, you can transform your anxiety-based attitude about it and turn it into a celebration of personal fulfilment and connection.
Another slice of pie, anyone?
Nick Jones
REBT/CBT Therapist
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