Yes, it’s that time of year when we start planning our big summer holiday. A week or two in the sunshine, sampling the cultural delights of somewhere new, or maybe just lying on a beach with no plans beyond what to have for dinner.
For many, it’s their favourite time of year and something to look forward to. For some of us though, it can be a source of worry, or even anxiety. With a break from the routine can come a range of situations we may feel less than comfortable with. How will we communicate in a foreign language? What if we get lost? What if the accommodation isn’t great? Where will we go for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Managing the ‘what ifs’ with REBT
All these thoughts are far from unusual, and at their heart is a unifying, overarching theme: uncertainty. We all deal with it in our own way, either embracing it, avoiding it, or facing up to it. For those who struggle with the ‘what ifs’ of life, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT, the type of CBT we teach here at the College), can be very useful for helping us if not learn to love it, then at least be able to tolerate it more easily.
REBT’s core philosophy is one of emotional responsibility – we get to decide how we ultimately feel about things. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, people are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them. So, by changing how we view, or think about, a situation, we can change how we feel about it.
The first thought we can challenge is that core demand for certainty. If we tell ourselves we MUST be certain, when we find we are not it might begin to feel awful and beyond bad, and that it is unbearable for us. In REBT, this is what we call an irrational belief, and instead we choose to challenge it with rational, logical and helpful thinking.
Who says you must be certain all the time? If you knew everything about your holiday in advance, there’d hardly be any point going. There is no rule that says you must know, and sometimes, that’s half the fun. And is it really so bad not knowing? It might not be your favourite thing, but it’s certainly far from the worst thing possible. Without uncertainty there can be no surprises. And you can certainly tolerate it. It may be uncomfortable, but you’ve tolerated uncertainty before, so we bet you can do it whilst wearing a sunhat and hunting down an ice cream.
What’s in it for me? A good time!
Secondly, REBT loves a goal, the reason why we are doing something. Remember why you are on holiday, and the ‘what’s in it for me’ way of thinking.
Perhaps it’s time away from a busy job, or to spend quality time with your partner or family. Maybe it’s to visit that ruin you’ve always dreamed of, or simply to top up your tan and eat some lovely food. Whatever it is, you’re on holiday for a reason, and that reason is always going to be worth some uncertainty and discomfort. Focus on that taverna you’ve heard so much about and everything else becomes easier!
If we can remember that we don’t HAVE to be certain, we’d only like to be and keep our eye on the prize of why we go away in the first place, you might find your holiday starts to become even more fun, and that can only be a good thing.
Nick Jones
REBT/CBT Therapist
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